Dark History
by RosePetalsJar
Summary: Sahira's past catches up with her. Greg and Hanseen try to help, but it gets out of their control...Please review :  Constructive criticism welcome  sorry if Chapter 3 is a little out of character .
1. Regrets

Sahira looked over the Holby car park, tears streaming down her face. Most of her colleagues were in the bar enjoying a drink, including Greg. Greg. It was his past that had reminded her of her own. She'd faced her past though, and had had a therapist to get over it. She normally could forget it, but today, her memories were clearer than ever. Remembering the fear that had shook her.

Suddenly, Hanseen appeared behind her. "Ms. Shah?" he asked. She hurriedly wiped away her tears, whilst pretending to be distracted by an ambulance driving in. "Hmm, what?" she said.

"Everything all right?".

"I'm fine, why shouldn't I be? But actually, can I talk to you?".

"Go ahead,".

"No somewhere private...", she whispered as a group of nurses passed.

"Follow me...".

He showed her into his office, and gestured for her to sit down. "So, what can I do for you Ms. Shah?".

"It's about my secret, Henrik, I wanted to make sure you hadn't told anyo...". His face darkened, as he sat down opposite her. "I can assure you, I haven't told anyone,".

"I know!" she snapped. He stared at her. "Sorry, I just wanted to know, that you won't EVER tell anyone. I haven't even told my husband...".

"I promise not to. You have to remember though, it wasn't your fault. It was his,". Hanseen sighed. He knew Sahira blamed herself, for what had happened all those years ago. It was also why she sometimes struggled with emotional cases, eventhough she coped with it extraordinarily well. "Your secret's safe," he assured her. But, her secret wasn't as safe as she had hoped. There was someone listening outside the door, someone who was meant to be in the bar - Greg.

Greg had gone to see if Dan wanted a drink, and on his way back had saw Sahira, going into Hanseen's office. He was intrigued, and had listened to their conservation. He wondered what the secret could be. Suddenly, he heard footsteps approaching the door. Greg scurried away, before being caught.


	2. Secrets

The secret

The following day, Greg came in to work, to see Sahira busily sorting out cases. He went over to her. "Sahira?". She ignored him. Mary-Claire came over and explained about a troublesome patient in bed 3. "Sahira?". She handed him a file, before going over to the patient. Greg followed her. "So, Mr..." she faltered. It was a name that brought back many bad memories. "..., what's the matter?".

"These nurses won't let me have any food!".

"Yes, because your having your operation soon,". Sahira replied.

"But, I'm hungry,", he complained.

"We can get you a drink. Coffee, coke, water, tea?".

"Ugh, coffee, be quick,". Mary-Claire went and fetched his order.

"What is this - a hotel?" the nurse added, before hurrying away. Sahira browsed through the patients notes. She frowned as something caught her eye. She froze. She felt everything spinning around her. Then black. As the registrar fell, Greg caught her, before she fell to the floor.

She woke up in the staff room, feeling slightly groggy. Sahira tried to stand up, but her knees were to weak, causing her to sit back down. Seeing that she was awake, Greg came in. "How you feeling?" he said in his singsong Irish accent. She shrugged.

"Felt better, but I'm fine - I only fainted!". He smirked. She obviously wasn't 'fine', but she wasn't going to admit it. Sahira frowned - how weak would people think she was now? "Sahira, I'd like to apologise...".

"No, I would. I understand I shouldn't have pressurised you into telling me, about you and Andy,".

"Quits?". She nodded, then got up to leave. She opened the door. "One last thing, what's your secret?". Sahira opened her eyes wide, then slammed the door.

"What?".

"I heard you talking to Hanseen,".

"You had no right to invade my privacy. And to think, I truste...".

"Well, you know mine. I told you. I have a right to know yours,". She sighed, then sat down next to him. He'd never let it drop. She couldn't stand not being able to talk and confide in him. It hurt enough the last few weeks, not being able to turn to him. "When my...when my father moved away, my mum's brother came and lived with us. He was alright for the first few months, then they had a argument. The next night, they had another. Then another. Then another. But then..."she paused. "Then, he hit my mother. He didn't hurt me, he just... made me watch. We tried to escape, but he said locked us in. I was 13. It carried on until my father came to sort out the divorce. He realized what was happening, and helped us out. Luckily, my parents, after that incident, lived together again. The police never found him,". She closed her eyes, trembling. Greg just looked at her - they both had had unpleasant phases in their childhood. However, her story was not over. "The next time I saw him was as a F1 - Hanseen was my mentor. My car broke down, so I called Hanseen so he could give me a lift home. In the meantime, my uncle appeared. He had a knife. He stabbed me. I was so angry, so angry with what he'd done to my family, that with my little strength, I pushed him. He fell down some steps. I collapsed when Henrik arrived. He called an ambulance, and I survived. So did my uncle for a while. Whilst he was in hospital, they diagnosed him with a mental disorder, which is why he did all those things. He died of his injuries from the fall. It was my fault. My fault he died, and what he did...he couldn't help it..."she sobbed. Greg looked at her with amazement. How could someone who struggled with her emotions so much, manage this? "How did you cope, with the emotional strain?".

"I had therapy sessions. That's what I was trying to get you to do, go see a therapist. It helped me. Helped me get over the strain of killing someone...".

"Why did you faint, though?". Sahira looked him in the eyes.

"'s is his son," she muttered. "But, Greg, you've GOT to promise me you'll NEVER tell anyone, if you do... Well, I've never told my husband,".

"Do want me to operate on him?".

"NO!".

"I just thought...".

"Just thought it would be easier for me? Maybe...maybe, if I can help him, I can forgive myself for killing his father. He is my cousin, family, I want to help him,".

"But, you're not meant to operate on family!".

"But, nobody knows, do they? Not EVEN him," she protested. There protests soon turned into an argument...

It was Jac's first day back from leave, and as she walked down the corridors, she heard raised voices. She followed them to the staff room. Peeking through the blinds, she saw that the argument was between her two registrars, Greg and Sahira. Sighing, she opened the door, and smiled inside as she made them both jump. It fell silent. Jac just waited, expecting an explanation, staring at them, delighted at the power she had as a consultant. Sahira, scared that everybody would find out her secret, pushed Jac out of her way, as she headed back to the ward. "Great, I caught Little Miss Sunshine on a bad day" Jac said.

"Welcome back," Greg said awkwardly, before walking out the door to see his patients. Jac sighed.

Thank you for all the reviews! Hope you enjoyed it, and the secret wasn't to easy to guess.

Thanks for reading


	3. Arguments

Part 3

Sahira walked past Elliot who was looking at scans. ". I heard what happened. I think you should go home,"he said.

"I only fainted - I'm fine. Will you assist me on at 11, please?". He agreed, and passed her a square of chocolate. Despite the patient's father being her abuser, this man was her cousin, and maybe, if she could save him, she'd be redeemed for her 'killing'. And, at least with Elliot, there wouldn't be any awkward questions.

Sahira went and checked on her other patients, before she returned to _him_. He was sat up, packing his things. "Um, 's, where are you going?".

"The nurses said to come back next week, because you were not going to be operating. How did you become a doctor, if you faint? Stomach as week as a seasick dog..."he moaned. "Anyway, don't think I want the operation now, with someone like you cutting me open,". However, before he could leave, he suddenly collapsed. Feeling his pulse, Sahira immediately performed CPR. He survived. But he needed the operation urgently. The nurses got him ready for theatre, whilst she paged Elliot.

Sahira was pacing anxiously outside the theatre room, whilst she waited for Elliot. What's taking him so long, she thought. Then, Jac burst through the doors - ready for theatre. "Elliot's busy, you've got me instead,"she said, before pushing through the doors, not waiting for Sahira's reaction.

The consultant just watched the registrar, but Sahira was surprisingly calm; Jac struggled to criticise her. The operation went smoothly, and was quickly over. However, before Sahira went back to the ward, Jac asked her about the morning's events. "Why were you arguing with Mr. Douglas?" she asked.

"I...We..." Sahira faltered.

"Lovers tiff? Well?".

"No! We were just disagreeing on how to treat a patient,".

"Really? So why did he tell me it was about Hanseen!". He hadn't really - she hadn't even asked him. She could just tell she was lying. Sahira froze. "And that," the registrar added hastily. Jac stepped forward menacingly. "I will find out what happened, Sahira. Oh, and, Hanseen asked to see you in his office. Must have done something really bad to upset Daddy". Jac loved her job.

Sahira knocked on his door before entering. Hanseen was looking out, at the hospital."Ah, " he said, not turning round. "I would like to ask why you fainted?,".

"Something just reminded me of my uncle. I'm fine now,".

"And, the outburst with ?". God, did everyone know, thought Sahira. She wondered what to say to her old mentor. She now realized she was wrong with what she had said to the Irish man, so she told Hanseen the same thing she had said to Jac. "Just a disagreement over a patient, that's all,".

Sahira went back to the ward, determined to apologise to Greg, but first she went to see . He was still asleep, from the anaesthetic. She stepped forward. He looked so alike his father. She put her hand out, and stroked his chin. She shivered; she'd thought saving his live would save her from her conscience. All she felt now was a deep empty feeling inside. Suddenly, someone appeared behind her. "Excuse me, what are you doing?". Sahira stopped, her fingers were still on his face.

"Um, checking his pulse," she paused "Yes, all fine. So - who are you?".

"I could ask you the same thing, "Said the tall blonde woman.

"I'm Ms. Shah. Pleasure to meet you,". She held out her hand, for the other woman to shake it. She just looked at her as if she was mad. "Ms. Shah? Sure I've heard of that name before. Hmm, no. Oh, yes, I'm Mr. Robyn's wife,". Just then, her husband started to stir. "Madeline?"he croaked. His wife rushed over to his side, fretting over him.

" I'm glad to say the operation was successful. You'll have to come back in 2 weeks to make sure you're all right," she turned to leave.

"Thank you," he said.

"You're welcome," she smiled.

"Doctor?".

"Yes?".

"I'd like to say sorry. I was rude before - I don't like hospitals because my father died in one,". Then he muttered, "His fault though,". His wife stroked his forehead lovingly.

"I know, dear, but all in the past now,"Mrs. Robyn's said. The man sighed. Sahira looked at him - if only he knew how much she knew. The mans wife just scowled at her.

Sahira put on her coat, and signed out. She hadn't found Greg, and was feeling downhearted. Bidding goodbye to some of the nurses, she left. On her way to her car she saw him sitting on one of the picnic benches. "Hey," he said.

"Hello," she sat down next to him. "I'd like to apologise for what I said earlier,".

"Ya can say that again,".

"Sorry?".

"Me too. So, how did the operation go?".

"Fine. Jac assisted though. Why did you tell her our argument was about Hanseen?".

"What did you say then? You didn't tell her did you"" she said, looking puzzled.

"Course not! I mean, she didn't ask me,".

"Ugh! That stupid...COW! she scowled as she realised Jac had tricked her.

"So lives then!" he chuckled. She nodded. "Does he know who you are?" he asked seriously. She shook her head.

"We've never met before. And I don't really want him to know that I was the one who killed his father. Even though he said it was his fathers fault,".

"See it wasn't your fault he died . Come on Sahira, even his **son **thinks so!".

"How can he understand probably; he can only have been 12, when his father died. And he only lived with him for 4 years, because his parents were divorced, and then his mum died. I took away his childhood, Greg. Mr. Robyn's father had mental...".

"However mental someone is, doesn't give them the right to abuse!".

"LETS JUST STOP! I don't want another argument tonight," she sighed. He nodded.

"Drink?" he asked.

"No thanks,". He laughed at her. "What?" she asked.

"I just don't get you! One moment you hate me, the next your spilling your secrets,".

"Hang on! You wanted me to tell you, and I can't have drinks, because I have to go and look after my kids," she protested.

"But dat doesn't explain it. What do ya want from me?" he asked angrily. She looked down at the ground, avoiding his gaze. "Just to be good working colleagues,"she snapped back.

"Is that all?" he asked, silently wishing it to be more. She turned to look at him.

"Okay. Friends," she said. They looked into each others eyes. "Um, I've got to go,"she said suddenly, picking up her bag. "Sahira?".

"Yes?". He looked into her eyes, which made her want to admit how she really felt about him. "I...I...". Speechless, she tried to continue, but couldn't. So she kissed him instead. It was short and sweet, but as Greg went to kiss her again, she pulled away. "Do you see? I like you, but I can't have you,".

"Why not?".

"Because I've got a family to look after. Goodnight,". And with that, she left.


	4. Again

It had been a busy day on CTU. There had been a car crash, involving several vehicles, and many patients had had heart related issues. Sahira had two hours left, till she could go home and be with her family. She hadn't spoken to Greg again, and was feeling awkward about talking to him - or even looking at him. Suddenly, the CTU emergency phone rang, breaking her away from her troubled thoughts. "Hello, CTU,".

"Man's collapsed outside supermarket. In cardiac arrest, but might have bleeding. Expected arrival: 5 minutes. Name: Mike Robyn's,". The paramedic hang up. Sahira stared at the phone, gobsmacked. Jac Naylor walked over to the CTU desk. "Looks like your trying to catch flies, with your mouth open like that. What is the emergency - I heard the phone ring!". Her hands shaking, she hang onto the office chair as she slowly explained. "You know the patient we operated on yesterday - Mr...Mr. Robyn's..." she faltered.

"Yes! Yes! Hurry up,".

"Collapsed outside supermarket. Um... cardiac arrest and suspect bleeding, here in about 2 minutes,".

"What? But the surgery went without a hitch,". Sahira shrugged. Then the doors burst open, the patient on a crash trolley being pushed by several paramedics. Jac quickly got the CPR equipment, as she tried to get his heart back to normal. "And CLEAR!" the consultant shouted. The heart monitor continued to fall. "Charging...and CLEAR!". Again it failed. However, the third time, it was successful and his heart beat rose. Sahira let out a shaky breath. It was not over yet though. "Okay, we need urgent CT scans," Jac shouted to Oliver - he quickly took the patient for scans.

Twenty minutes later, the results were back, and showed that the stitches had burst apart, causing bleeding. Another ten minutes later, and Sahira and Jac were prepping for theatre. Sahira looked into the mirror, by the sinks, outside theatre. She felt nauseous, but knew she had to operate on this particular patient. Taking one last deep breath, she walked into theatre, where Jac had just started. Seeing her, she handed Sahira the knife. "Your patient. Pretty basic really. Just need to clear, then re-stitch. Okay?". Sahira finished cutting him open, then started to clear the excess blood. All was going well, till she slipped, and another bleed appeared. Panicking, she clumsily tried to patch it up, only making it worse. His BP was dropping from lack of blood. "Why won't it clot!" she said with annoyance. She tried again, and failed. His chance of survival was dropping every second. Jac took over, as Sahira looked on, agitated. She had made such a mess of it though, that Jac couldn't help the man. The heartbeat dropped. 3, 2, 1, beep. He was dead. Sahira stormed out of theatre, crying. "Time of death, 5:47pm,".

Sahira tidied up her make-up, as she stared into the mirror. She'd cried so much, she couldn't cry any more. And his death made all her bad feelings come back from when she'd been involved with his father. The terror, the fear, the anger, the regrets... Not only had she killed 's, but also his father. Finally looking presentable, she went back to the ward.

Mrs. Robyn's had arrived whilst her husband had been in surgery, and was know sitting on a visitors seat in the corridor. On her way back to Darwin, she passed the woman. "Ah, ? How much longer will my husband be in theatre for? We have a family reunion tomorrow," she asked. Sahira looked at her sadly, realizing the woman didn't know of her husband's fate. Sighing, she sat down next to her. "I'm...we're very...very sorry, but we couldn't save your...your...husband,". The woman looked at Sahira, in shock, her eyes brimming with tears. She wiped them away hurriedly, trying not to show any weakness. "But, why did he have to die," she asked.

"His heart...we couldn't stop the bleeding,". The woman looked at her.

"So it was your fault? YOUR fault he died!" she said angrily.

"Um...no. It wasn't anybody's fault. The stitches burst...".

"SO IT WAS YOUR FAULT!" Mrs. Robyn's shouted angrily, as she smacked Sahira hard across the cheek. She winced.

Greg had just finished his shift, and was making his way to the exit, as he saw a tall blonde woman, hitting Sahira. He rushed over to them, to try and stop the woman. "I'm sure you're not meant to be hitting our doctors!" as he held her arms back, as she went to hit Ms. Shah again. "But, you don't understand! She was the one who killed my husband. She said she couldn't save him, but I don't believe her. IT WAS HER FAULT!" the woman shrieked. Sahira looked down at the floor. It was my fault, she thought to herself. "Come on, Mrs...Mrs. Robyn's! She tried to save your husband's live!" Greg protested.

"NO, it was HER fault!" as she escaped the Irishman's arms and hit the doctor, who didn't try to avoid it, on the cheek again. "MRS. ROBYN'S!" he shouted. The woman looked at him. "Otherwise, I'm afraid I'll have to call security,". Slowly, the woman stood up.

"I'll be leaving then, but I will sue you for what you did," she shouted as she walked off towards the exit. "Sahira?"Greg asked. "Are you all alright?". She nodded, but started sobbing. He hugged her, and she continued sobbing into his shoulder...


	5. Thank you

Thank you all for reading so far I know it's a bit confusing. Sorry for any grammatical mistakes, but please keep reviewing!

|Sahira took the next day of. And the next. She pretended she was ill, but really she just couldn't go back to work without thinking of 's. Her husband had asked loads of questions about why, but she still didn't tell him about that bit of her past…

Next Monday…

Looking at the entrance to Holby City Hospital, she took a deep breath. When she'd first arrived, it had been a fresh start, now it was a place where her past would continue to haunt her. She headed towards CTU. "Ah, Ms. Shah, nice of you to join us," said Jac. "Bus has crashed, so its busy, you can take the children," she handed her a pile of folders. Hopefully work would help her forget other things.

Her first patient was a little girl – freckles and hair in two ponytails. "Lucy, I'm , and I'm going to be your doctor today," Sahira said as happily as she could.

"Go 'way. I said I'm fine," she winged.

Her dad apologised. "Come on Lucy, let the nice doctor have a look at you, then we can go home,". Sahira took her stethoscope from round her neck, and got ready to inspect her patient. "No!" Lucy shouted, as she got out of the bed. Her Dad caught her hand, to stop her running away, but she broke free. Before Sahira had time to go after her, Lucy collided with Henrik Hanseen. He looked at her adorable face, and felt his heart soften. He crouched down so he could speak to her. "Hello. My name's Henrik, what's yours?" he asked.

"Lucy," she said shyly.

"Now, Lucy, let Ms. Shah have a look at you?". She shook her head. Then, as if by magic, Hanseen reached into his pocket and took out a small teddy bear. "If you let the doctor have a look at you, I'll give you this. What do you say?". She thought about it, then took the teddy, and went back to her bed. "Thank you," she said.

Sahira placed the stethoscope on the girls chest. "Well, all sounds normal, but to be sure, we'll send for a scan," she said. Walking over to the CTU desk, she picked up the phone, to ask for the scans, but before she could call, Hanseen stopped her.

"Ms. Shah, can I have a word please?".

"What is it, I'm quite busy as you can see,'.

"I would like to know if you want to request compassionate leave?".

"No, of course not, I hardly knew him.. I'm fine,".

"Yes, I'd thought you'd say that,". Turning round, she called for the scans, then picked up her next file. Walking over to bed 3, he followed her. "Have you told your husband yet?". She shook her head. He walked away.

"Thank you, Henrik. Thank you for caring. You've always been there for me, thank you," she said. He smiled on the inside, but he was so happy it showed on the outside as well, unusual for him.

Few hours later…

Sahira was sat at a bench, on her break, outside the hospital, drinking her coffee, the wind messing up her hair. The morning had so far gone without any problems. Suddenly, a woman appeared by her side. "Hello," she said. Sahira jumped, and got up to go as she realised who it was. "Wait, please," the woman said. Cautiously, Sahira sat down beside her.

"I'd like to say sorry, for what I did last week. It wasn't your fault my husband died, it wasn't anybody's," Mrs. Robyn's sighed.

" I'm very sorry for your loss. I just wish I could bring him back,". The woman nodded.

"I know who you are,".

"I know, I told you," Sahira said, slightly confused.

"No, who you really are. How you are my husband's cousin," she explained.

"Oh,".

"That you think you killed his father, as well as him," she said her voice rising.

"I didn't mean to. Anyway, goodbye, I'd better be getting back,". She turned around to go, but the woman caught her wrist. Mrs. Robyn's pulled a gun out from her coat. Several paramedics became aware of what was going on, but the woman continued to aim at Sahira. "I'm really sorry, but you killed my husband, and his father, you deserve to be punished," she shouted. Then she let go of the trigger. Bang! The bullet hit her in the shoulder. One paramedic rushed to hold back Mrs. Robyn's, while the other two paramedics caught Sahira, who was crying in pain.

She was rushed into AAU. Sasha Levy hurried over. "Eddi, page Hanseen. It's Sahira! We need to get her into theatre now. "Sahira, can you hear me?". She nodded, before falling unconscious.

Hanseen had just finished eating his egg and cress sandwiches, when his pager went of. Licking his lips, he headed down to AAU. Sasha was waiting for him. "It's Sahira, been shot, in the shoulder," he said worriedly. Hanseen nodded. He rushed to get ready for theatre.

He felt physically sick, as he burst through the doors into theatre. How had something like this happened, he thought. As he picked up the scalpel, he looked at her face. He felt his eyes fill with tears, he wasn't going to lose her, he couldn't. "Cover the face, please," he asked. He started to mop up the blood, but then the heart monitor started bleeping. Seriously worried, he began rushing, and the monitor continued to fall. He had stopped it bleeding enough, to begin to stitch it up. Quickly, he started threading. He wiped his forehead, which was dripping with sweat. The monitor though was dangerously low. He continued, but it was to late. She was dead.

**Hope it was okay **


	6. Real Feelings

Hi

**Thank you all for reading so far! Again I apologize for any grammatical mistakes **** Please review, constructive criticism is welcome **

She was dead. Her heart had stopped, he thought. How could he cope without her? She had always been the one to help him through his problems, his only real friend. Hanseen took a deep breath, and stepped away from the bed. He felt a tear run down his face, then left the room.

As he closed the door, he thought he heard something. It couldn't be - it was just wishful thinking. Better make sure though, he thought. And sure enough, the heart monitor had started beating again. The Lazarus phenomenon...

_Two hours later..._

Sahira woke up, feeling tired and with a pain coming from her shoulder. The events of earlier that day coming back to her. Her husband was sitting next to the bed on a chair. "Are you all right? Do you want me to get a doctor?" he asked.

"No, I'm okay,".

"Are you going to tell me why you have been shot?". She paused. She didn't want to tell her husband why, she didn't want him to think she was a murderer, but she couldn't lie to him. "Are you sure you're all right?" he asked. She nodded, then told him why she'd been shot. He looked at her, sadly. "Why didn't you tell me?".

"I thought...you'd hate me," she said, hanging her head.

"Why would I? I love you, Sahira. You're my wife,". Just then, Hanseen came over to her bed. "Ah, Ms. Shah, you're awake. You can leave in a couple of days, we just need to keep you in, to make sure you don't have any further implications. Goodbye," he said briefly.

"Henrik?" she asked.

"Yes,".

"Thank you, for operating on me today,".

"You're welcome," he replied, before walking back to his office, afraid of showing his real feelings.

Her husband got up to go and get himself a cup of coffee. "Be back in a minute. Call a doctor if you feel unusual, OK?". She nodded. Then Greg came to see if she was alright. "God, Sahira, I heard what happened. Everybody up on Darwin was really worried, even Jac was concerned!". She smiled. "Just thought, you'd like to know, Mrs. Robyn's has been arrested," he whispered. "Where's your husband?".

"He's gone to get a cup of coffee,".

"Does he know?".

"Yes I told him why I ended up in here,". A doctor came over, and said Sahira had to be resting.

"Bye, I'll come back later" Greg said, then kissed her softly on the forehead.

_Two days later..._

Sahira was leaving hospital, accompanied by her husband. On her way to the car, she saw Greg, arriving for his shift. "Wait," she said to her husband, "I need to say goodbye to Greg,". She walked over to him. "Hi!".

"Oh, heya. Going home then?".

"Yep,".

"How long till you're coming back to work. Everybody misses you,". She shook her head. "That's what I wanted to say to you. Goodbye. I'm leaving Holby,".

"What! But you can't...".

"My mind's made up. I couldn't stand working here again, it would just bring back all the bad memories. I'll miss you. Say goodbye to everyone for me,".

"But...".

"Please. Just say goodbye,".

"Goodbye, Sahira Shah, I'll miss you loads," he hugged her. "I love you," he whispered.

**Hope it was okay.**

**This was the last chapter.**


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